So this past weekend, I had the pleasure of visiting the Department of Motor Vehicles to get a new driver’s license. Oh man, it had been a while and how you can forget the amazing experience that only the DMV can provide…..I’m sure glad I had the opportunity to get that loving feeling back. So let me set the stage for you, It’s Saturday morning, it’s beautiful, you wake up early so you can get to the DMV before the crowds arrive. You have a fun Saturday planned out after you get your license renewal done. At the door, a heavy set lady greets you, she has dead eyes, no emotions and a life full of abuse and ridicule that has made her one of the meanest, toughest women on the planet. She tells you to get a number, so you do. Then she motions you to go to another room and wait in line, even though you have a number. The other room could be compared to one of the bars in Star Wars filled with creatures and oddly shaped people hanging out waiting for their turn. You wait for three and a half hours to get to the front of the line to have your license renewed and it seems like it should have taken a total of 3 minutes to complete. The person who provides you the service when you get to the front of the line couldn’t be more angry with life if they tried and makes you feel terrible about yourself. You leave questioning life and everything that ever made you happy.
So why does the DMV take so long? All I know is that if you ran a business like the government runs the DMV, you would definitely only have one star on Yelp. Well, I have several theories. The first being that the government is running case studies to determine which demographics lose their cool the quickest in order to profile people as terrorists at the airport. I’m working on how this is being done, not there yet, but pretty sure I’m on to something. The Second theory is that the Chinese are involved and they have planted Chinese spies at DMV’s around the country in order to sap productivity and take emotional energy out of the U.S. in order to get ahead in the global super power race. My third theory is probably the most logical, but not nearly as fun, government entities are just terrible. At some point in the future, I just hope….hope that people will stop putting more services into the hands of the government to oversee, waste money and provide the worst service imaginable. Don’t get me started on airports. I plan on riding bicycles and skateboards when this driver’s license expires and avoiding the DMV experience at all cost. Who’s with me?!?!?!
